Monday, April 27, 2009

Pigs, Swine Flu, and Normal Flirtation

I was already paranoid about this swine flu epidemic and working at the club in close proximity to people. But the fear was amplified when I got to work! Coworkers were talking about it, and the bartender was coughing, so I refused to drink anything she dropped a straw into. I must have washed my hands ten times! The hypochondriac in me gingerly stepped out today. What made it worse was two nasty customers, one who wanted to kiss me and the other who wanted to put his hands near my mouth. Man, did I fight them off! I should have epidemic-mindset at work every day - I'll show customers to challenge my personal boundaries! Anyway, some funny shit came up with a coworker who was even more paranoid than I was. Key quotes? "These whores are probably all carriers of the flu anyway. They give a guy a lapdance, then we give him a lapdance, boom, we're dead." "I don't want to get the flu! If I do, the CDC will be all over me asking where I work, and then boom, the next thing you know there's a front page story about me, the stripper, who spread the swine flu all over NYC."

Flu fears aside, I got to thinking about flirtation. Strippers always say they don't know how to dance like a normal person (not a stripper) when they go out dancing. But I was thinking, I don't think I know how to flirt like a normal person anymore! There are times when subtly stroking your breast or the guys' thigh just isn't appropriate or fun. Like, when the guy is not a strip club customer at all but someone you know outside. in the real world, and you're trying to charm him. How does one make the transition from trying to score a lapdance to trying to score a soft kiss, a date, or a relationship?

1 comment:

  1. Let's pretend I teach Infectious Diseases for a living, and take it from there...

    Influenza (virus) kills more people every year (in the US) than all other infectious diseases combined. Don't panic, you're already immune.

    Don't do anything out of the ordinary aside from the 3 days of water and food that the Red Cross tells you to store, anyway.

    I am willing to lay down my paycheck for May that says this strain of flu is what hit people this February and made people feel like crap for a few weeks. In other words, it's already come and gone around most of the world, and we've just started to notice it because a small mutation killed some 20 year olds in Mexico City.

    The most important thing anyone can do is wash their hands every time they handle money or do something in public. Don't touch your eyes or the rest of your face when you're nervous.